her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
