my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
