Screwed.edu
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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