Fuck appropriateness.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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