I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
