I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
