Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
