it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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