hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
