I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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