i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
