Already got asked if we're dating
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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