A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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