would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
