alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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