i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
