you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
