She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like, not good at living.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize