I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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