She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
