As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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