just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
