Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
