You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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