i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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