did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
did i just pee glitter
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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