I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
