I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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