I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Text me some of your sweat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize