its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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