2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
