Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
