Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
