You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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