i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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