i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
