Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
