I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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