If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
