I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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