he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
