all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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