He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
