if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
