So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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