A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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