Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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