Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
