I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
