So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
