meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
