I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
