I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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