Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
