I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Non-Jews are for practice
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize