Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
