My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
its liver damage thursday
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
