OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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