Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drake has all the answers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
