I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
