Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
