and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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