we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
