If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
