Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We have started to decorate penises.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am one with the molecules
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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