Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and she was petting her beer can
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
