I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
