Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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