He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
