I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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