Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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